pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
