the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
