I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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