Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
