dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
