If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you win again, gameday.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
