last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
