what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
