oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
