Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
