I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
