Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
