I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
