Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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