You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
