dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Barsexuality is the new black.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
