I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize