I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
