I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
