she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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