Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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