y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
