dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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