I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
