I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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