Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
