I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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