i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
