you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
try to milk me bitch
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