So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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