Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
