That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
