I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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