upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
