I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
