Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
