Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
