I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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