so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
