hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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