and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
