do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
