Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
