Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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