those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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