I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
