I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
