He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
