I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
