I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
