i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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