You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
