When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
