Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
