dude i'm inner monologue high
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
