i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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