Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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