my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
