dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
