I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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