you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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