I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
