Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
