My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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