If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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