i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
