Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
