No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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