how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
