Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
