I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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