I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
