i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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