Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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